Well, in a typically western fashion, I, along with Adam and two of his friends, went to two bars and drank way too much whisky.  At one point, I called Elaine to tell her how much I missed her and we caught up for a bit before I realized that it was time to go to the next bar.  Then later, I came home, rambled to my roommates, who had been taking it easy at home from drinking the previous night, before making Adam sleep over and endure the resounding thunder that is my snoring.

The next day, I quit smoking, and didn’t get up till very late to have dinner with Adam, our friend Leo (who will soon go back to Korea for a bit before moving to the States),  Mavis, and a few of Leo’s friends.  One of them had just come back from studying Polish in Lodz for one year!!  Interesting!

The next day, we celebrated in a much more eastern fashion…we barbecued outside, like most Taiwanese…except….because there isn’t really any space at our apartment, or even in front….we barbecued behind our place, which happens to be under the MRT.  I spent alot of time worrying we would get fined by the police before finally relaxing and enjoying the evening, lulled by the sound of trains passing overhead.   Later we played ‘Guitar Hero’ on my roommates’ PlayStation 2, and later still, MahJong, before going to bed.

Today, we got up just before noon, and Zac, Linsday, Andrea, Adam and I all got on a train and left the city to go hiking out in Taipei County (between San Tiao Ling and Da Hua).  As planned out by Linsday, we were in search of waterfalls.

The hike was a little slippery, and my shorts quickly got dirty.  The first big obstacle occurred around the time Lindsay said, “I think there used to be a bridge here…” What remained were the remnants of a bridge that now served as nothing more than something we had to climb over after wading through the brook it used to run over.  Minutes prior, we had just waded across a similar brook, but that was merely a prelude.

The waterfall we found a few minutes later was gorgeous.  After that waterfall, however, we found ourselves confronted with a steep hike.  Linsday’s guidebook reassured us that, although the hike would appear steep, it was actually quite doable, with the help of opportune foot perches, and hand grasps.  No problem.  The first bit, which actually did very much resemble a vertical climb, looked daunting, but was actually ok…piece of cake.

Then, we were found ourselves standing at the bottom of some climbing contraption, made up of small wet, muddy logs attached together and steadied with metal rods, going straight up the side of this hunk of rock, and to the right and left, and rope and chains (side-by-side, your pick) hanging precariously by the sides of it.  It had a beautiful view of the gorge we had just scaled minutes before, and I remembered my fear of heights right then.  After sampling a couple of minutes of raw fear, we made it to the top without incident.  Ha!

Then, after walking along a too narrow path along the side of this overdrop, jumping over a tree trunk sprawled across the path, and trying not to slip and fall in the mud, we found steep obstacle number three: a randomly placed ladder going straight up the side of a rock face again.  It was almost unbelievable.  Comic, really.  One by one, we went up the shaky ladder, nailed to the side of the rock.

After a little while it was smooth sailing, and we tried to make our way back to the train station to go back to Taipei.  We walked, and walked…and walked….and soon it became dark…..still no train station.  We encountered a cluster of houses up the road, after emerging from the brush, and tried to get some directions from the people who were gathering there.  Adam, after speaking with a shirtless tattooed-man in Taiwanese for a few minutes, managed to arrange a ride for us into town with another man there….in the back of a blue truck (like a pick-up truck, but not really).  The girls sat in front with the driver, while the boys sat in the back, enjoying the breeze.  It struck me then, the ways in which Taiwan sometimes reminded me of Mexico. He took us to the train station at ShihFen, where we had dinner while waiting for our train back into town.

The train back was longer than the train there…on the way there we took a train to RueiFang and then switched….this time, we switched at Badu, and took a slightly slower commuter train back to Taipei Main Station.

When we got home, we were covered in mud and sweat..well, all except for Adam, who, despite being the only one to wear long jeans, and a light pink shirt, emerged looking like he had just gotten back from a treacherous day of window shopping.  He was behind us the whole time though….

Anyway, such was my weekend…tomorrow I have a full day of work, and Day 4 of not smoking to contend with.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!!

I want to plan a vacation soon, but I’m not sure when or where….perhaps back to the Philippines, but maybe somewhere new, like Hong Kong…..

My new relationship is no longer new, and I’m still really happy. =)

I promise to update this blog much more often, now that I’ve finally broken through the surface of what once was a really thick glass ceiling.

Hasta pronto!

Tomorrow, I will be meeting up with my friend Marilyn to meet up with a few recording studio types…I am finally taking her up on her offer to help me takes steps towards a career change. I’m going to try to do voice-over recordings. She created a “chance” meeting for me the other day buy sending me over to as studio with a can of evaporated milk, after giving them her flan recipe, but not being able to explain what evaporated milk was. I was nervous, but in the end, I left them my information, stayed for a piece of flan that Marilyn had left, and next week sometime, I will go in for a demo recording. I plan on going to two more studios tomorrow with Marilyn, and we’ll see what happens. This really feels like the break I’ve been looking for…when work becomes steady (it’s a tight industry to get into around here), then it becomes more than lucrative…way more than teaching.

Walking home from the night market the other day, Adam and I were talking about a problem of his. I felt worried for him…and then, I suddenly felt like it was the right time to tell him something….well, almost. I told him that I felt like I think I loved him…and if not quite, then very soon. Like, the next day, or a few days later. Being as honest as he is, I know he hasn’t reached that point with me yet, so he acknowledged my semi-congealed sentiment, and added that he knew. “How?” I asked. “I can feel it,” he replied. “Recently, over the past week or two. Am I right?” I wasn’t sure how to answer that, as I wasn’t even sure what to label it a couple of seconds ago, but I guess that’s when it began. Actually, I think a couple of weeks ago, I hit the roof with my feelings, then came back down, but not all the way…and now, I feel like I have this anticipatory knot in my chest that threatens to give way to give way to this dense emotion pushing on its underside any moment…almost like a season finale that’s been filmed, but not aired. I think it’s fair to say that every part of me below my chest is completely flooded with love….and now, I’m just waiting for it to chip away at this pesky cork so it can flood my heart and mind. Part of me thinks that the only person that make that cork give way is Adam….but even that, although beyond my control, feels forthcoming….

….almost there…..

My horoscope for tomorrow (well, technically today) said the following: The easy life is not for you today — you are in the mood for a challenge, and you might just be given a very intriguing one today. You are learning (slowly but surely) to appreciate the fact that a goal that’s easy to attain is not as fulfilling as a hard-won victory can be. So take the more difficult route today — it could tax your energy to the maximum limit, but it will reward you with a great pride that will feed your ego in a powerful way. (www.astrology.com)

Marilyn said almost exactly the same words to me a month and a half ago when she first brought up the idea of me trying out recording work.

But lately, it seems to ring true in all areas of my life, work and love in particular. =)

Shelley also made a comment about Taiwan during one of our late night, mid-week night caps on the balcony. She said that here, you really have to work for your happiness, and although that may be the case back home as well, it’s definitely not as easy here…one appreciates it more here because you’re made aware of that struggle every day, whereas back home it’s seen as more of a right.

What’s more, whatever problems you may have tried to run away from at home follow you quietly here in some subtle form, and demand resolution, not allowing for procrastination. That’s somewhat of a difficult beast to prove, but I know I’ve felt it.

I’m almost there.

One day, Ryan, Czarina and I decided to hike up to the summit of Mt. Taal rather than renting ponies. It wasn’t exactly Mt. Everest, but it sure felt like it. We watched countless Korean tourists be escorted by short Filipinos on their rented beasts of burden up the volcano while we treaded on foot. The sun was hot, and it was painful. When we finally got there, I was too tired to look behind me at the smaller volcano with the lake side…I just sat at the top of the cement steps that lead to the lookout, with my back turned to it all until I caught my breath….but when I finally turned around, I was glad I made the trip.

Creepy side note….Shelley and I are both convinced to a degree that we have ghosts. We’ve both had somewhat strange things (albeit infrequent, as of late) happen since we’ve moved in. Adam and ChiYen have both suggested going to the temple to make an offering so that they will leave…I normally just pray before I go to bed.

Just now, I caught something out of the corner of my eye, and as I turned to look at it, I felt it swoop towards me. I said a quick prayer and opened my door. I have an early morning tomorrow, and the last thing I need is to be kept awake by spirits. Geez, I can’t even afford a new mop, let alone an exorcist.

Anyway, it’s now way past when I wanted to go to sleep….my first day of June starts in a few short hours. It’s time to give my mind a rest.

The man singing had great presence, and every creamy note that fell from his lips seemed to linger gently in the air; and every lyric spoke honestly, and without pretention.

I looked around at the faces in the audience. Most were seated at tables, while others stood. Some people simply watched; others swayed softly; still others rested their elbows in front of them, leaning their attentive faces on clasped hands. A few even teared silently, staring beyond the performer into some hidden corner of their memories.

Then, I turned to look at the person sitting next to me. He was watching with a soft expression, but turned to look at me when he sensed my glance. He gave me a gentle smile, before taking my hand and squeezing my palm.

At that moment, the music flooded my ears, and my vision drifted inward.

The lyrics began to recite by memory all of my prior thoughts, dreams, and fears….and the notes transformed themselves, too…first into a fog, then a warm wind…and then finally, a cold rain.

In a matter of seconds, I felt anxious, then happy, then in love…then troubled, sad, and then finally, broken. I felt the air in my lungs suddenly give way….

and then suddenly….a tiny explosion of warmth inside my chest, that slowly spread….my heart, which had been freefalling, suddenly came to rest in the midst of that warmth….

Until I found myself once again looking into that same gentle smile. I slowly became aware once again, first of him, then the audience, then the place we were in.

He gave my hand another squeeze. I smiled back. We both turned to look back at the performer.

The last few chords of his melody melted into the candlelight, and there was a short pause, followed by applause. The man stood and bowed slightly.

I applauded as well. Once again, I glanced over at the man next to me. He looked at me, and nodded gently, as if to acknowledge what I had just experienced inside me.

He put his arm around my shoulder, and I rested my head on his.

The applause continued, and I closed my eyes, letting myself drift on top of the sound.

I’ve been trying not to think too much about our relationship, because I know that, in doing so, I could single-handedly sabotage it without just cause.  It was easier than I thought, but still a bit of a challenge…but I realize I’m better at it than before…

He and I are entirely different…he is more quiet, rational…no so emotive….whereas I say what I feel, I’m a little bit more passionate, and I emote like it’s the new “beige”.

I’ve been telling him what I normally expect in a relationship in terms of communication…verbal reinforcement, heavy on the verbal….he’s always been honest, but maybe not so crazy about the sweet nothings as I am….

…but then, I was thinking about him, and then suddenly, some drape fell off its rod somewhere inside me….and the feeling, not the words, presented themselves in my recent memory….and my inner ear heard that feeling as if it were words spoken….

….and suddenly it became enough.

Without realizing it, or even meaning to, I had met him half-way, maybe even more.

This past weekend, after a Saturday night of mild drinking with friends, Adam, ChiYen and ChiYen’s friend, Sylvia, spent Sunday afternoon hiking in the forest.  They were soldiers…I thought I was going to fall off the small mountain we were hiking on.

Drenched with sweat and out of breath, I stopped several times…ChiYen and Sylvia would trek ahead, and Adam would stay behind with me, putting up with my lack of stamina, and my intermittent threats at bodily harm…

….and then, on the way down, ChiYen and Sylvia were walking ahead, and I made some joke to Adam about making out in the woods….and then, he leaned in and kissed me…I realize now that I may remember that short kiss, and everything about it, more than most for quite awhile…

We’re still not quite near being “in love” from where we are….but I think I’m deeply lost in the forest of “in like”.

The deeper in I get, the more I feel both nervous and safe….it’s been a month, and I didn’t even see this coming…and I still don’t….

….and it’s just so great.

We took the slow train, which stopped in every small town between the two cities.  It took longer, but the view from the window was just breathtaking….we took so much delight in the journey, that any anxiousness about a timely arrival at our destination dissipated entirely…

Work was work…my manager didn’t even say hello to me when I greeted her.  I taught two typical classes, with a break in between for some wonton soup.   After work, I finished my work early to meet up with George for teppanyaki at Shida Night Market. We had a good, cheap meal, then we bought some drinks, and sat at the park for awhile.  My coconut milk tea wasn’t as good as George’s banana milk, natch.  The streets were full of people, foreigner and Taiwanese, enjoying the mild weather.  George and I had a nice chat about work, friends, relationships, and recent happenings before we took the subway.  He went off to Ximending, and I went home.

Once home, I quickly called Adam to say goodnight, and then hopped on the computer to check my messages, all the while listening to my MP3 player.  I went out onto the balcony, while listening to Lisa Loeb, and then later Melanie C, quietly humming to myself while I had another cigarette….

I ran through all the things I have to accomplish this week, and this month…and then all the things I hope to accomplish throughout the remainder of the year.

And then Tuesday ended.

The work situation isn’t good….the parents are complaining I’m not “entertaining” enough for my kids…I need to find a new wig and some big red schools so I can teach English properly….they’ve given me until July to improve…I’m giving my sanity one more month efore I give my notice…

I had a baby class…they pooped and pissed, and ran all over the place….I tried to reason with them in English, but the Chinese babies wouldn’t listen…my boss from that school branch called me today…I lost that class today….when I hung up the phone, I smiled.

There’s a new work opportunity on the horizon…I’ll say what it is when it actually happens, so as to not jinx anything….but it could prove to be super profitable….

…and there’s a man in my bathroom.  I gave him a toothbrush a few weeks ago, but he doesn’t stay the night due to family suspicion he has a girlfriend….=)

….I was on a diet, but I’m off it again for a little while…the weather has been super hot, a bit of rain, then sunny again….

….tonight, I’m meeting up with a bunch of Taiwanese friends that may have never actually hung out together in the same spot….

I’m broke, for not for long, and then after that I don’t know if I’ll be broke again soon or not….

…a friend of mine who has ‘gifts’ told me my future when three of us went out to eat ice the other day….some sort of ‘freedom’ coming my way in June…..

…..I’m making plans…..

….but tonight, my only plan is to relax.

Amen.

I was standing on the gangway where two subway cars meet when I’m smelled a familiar scent. It was distinctly familiar, although I couldn’t place where I knew it from.

Despite having an on and off smoking habit, I’ve always had a keen sense of smell. The scent belonged to a person; a man, wearing a light cologne. It was linked to some memory, a pleasant one, but I just couldn’t conjure up who it reminded me of.
I quickly went through my memory banks to locate who’s memory that scent was linked to….

….a friend…a classmate…..a co-worker….it could be anyone….

But then, something from my memory seemed to suggest that it was someone Asian, a pretty safe suggestion based on the people who were on the train at that point…and it would have likely been someone I was pretty close to…

… my best friend from high school …. my former roommate …a few people I dated …. my ex …. my other ex …

….but none of those seemed to ring a bell.

Then it disappeared.

Today, I was out with my friends shopping in Shida, when that same scent came back, this time at a clothes stores.

I quickly flipped through my memory banks again…..

…. high school …. university….. work….. vacation …. classes … social outings …. chance encounters …. days at the office ….. Ottawa …… Toronto …… Taiwan …….

And then, gone again.

I heard once that smell is the strongest sensorial trigger when it comes to memory.

I hope that eventually I can remember who that memory belongs to, and consequentially, what it is I’m remembering and missing.

My ex and I had a short conversation last week. I asked if he still found me attractive. “Sometimes,” he replied. This brief reply has, in some strange way, given me complete closure, and allowed me to pass the final step in getting over things.

I have a good friend that has been so much fun to hang out with. Up until yesterday, I didn’t think we would be anything more than just friends. A sudden suprise…and now, I have no idea what happened, or what will happen next…and I don’t need to…no need to think too much…

And my roommate and I, although I think we’re on good terms, hasn’t spoken to me much for the past few days, and I don’t know how to take it, or what to think….

My horoscope mentioned something about confusing relationships last week…it said that I should just accept them as they are, because they make life more interesting.

As it would appear, l’ennuie certainement m’echappe.

The most popular means is Facebook, which has taken every North American social contact I’ve had since the age of 4 by storm.

The second is by means of peoples’ blogs.

The third is through friends’ photos albums posted on the net.

It’s so compelling…people, some of whom I haven’t seen in nearly decade… and now they update their every move on a social network site, or detail their day-to-day lives via journals or photographs (or both) and then post them online for the entire world to see.

I even chat with people through MSN Messenger.  Some of my friends I haven’t seen in ages, or even heard their voice, but I am completely up-to-date on their lives, as told by themselves, ahem, “personally”.

So every night, I peer into my screen…I smile; I laugh; I sigh; I get emotional; I get nostalgic; I go through the entire range.  I feel like Sharon Stone in Sliver.

It reminds me of that part near the end of The Chrysalids, where the telepaths are approaching Zealand, and suddenly they become aware of the sound of thousands, maybe millions, of voices in their heads.  They are the thoughts of the other telepaths that dwell below, whose thoughts are communal; everyone shares in everyone else’s thoughts, needs, desires, hardships, dreams…

We haven’t evolved to that level of mental communication yet as humans…we rely on those that we know to share what’s in their hearts and minds, and anything else we want to know we have to research for ourselves; but even that has become remarkably easy.

Is it good or bad?  I’m certainly enjoying it, but according to certain dystopian stories I’ve read throughout my school career, it does have the potential to get ugly.

But there’s always the old ‘power in numbers’ chestnut.  Networking is key, after all, and we’re all in this world together…we might as well learn from each other.